


Aloha

by flamingcabbage



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Anal Sex, Established Relationship, Have you ever had sex while camping?, Humor, Its fucking in tents, M/M, Porn With Plot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 15:32:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4612023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flamingcabbage/pseuds/flamingcabbage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know we can’t get it on anyway. There are tweens outside this tent, the walls are made of fibre half a millimetre thick, we will traumatise all of them. Grace doesn’t need the ‘heard my dad fucking his boyfriend’ badge."</p><p>OR The Aloha Girls are going to give Danny a stress related stroke, and Steve is going to give him an orgasm. Fucking in tents is harder than you think.</p><p>(I formally apologise to the Girl Scouts of America for poaching their long standing traditions to pad out this filth.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aloha

Danny’s just grateful that he made it into his tent without any kind of harrowing incident. Tonight he and Steve are sharing which he supposes is a perk, the last time they were here Steve had one of those ridiculous one man coffins. It had basically been a triangle of nylon about thirty inches off the ground, which was an inhuman living condition to expect of Danny. To be honest, he had meant it when he said he was never going on another Aloha Girls trip, but as the next camp rolled on and then the next, he had realised he trusted the other parents less and less to supervise the disaster-prone group. Crazed gunmen weren’t quite the same as plumeria rashes and the bout of food poisoning that had made the rounds the last time the girls came out here, but Danny had still sucked it up and volunteered as a chaperone. Volunteered to get bitten half to death and sleep on the ground for two nights when he could have been at home with a beer and a soft bed. Of course Steve invited himself along.

Grace was nearly an Aloha Girl Guide now; _apparently_ this happened at thirteen. Danny was disappointed that seniority didn’t get you out of camping trips. And she was allowed to qualify for more advanced –read: dangerous- badges, just to add to Danny’s chance of getting an ulcer. She had told Danno she was going to start qualifying for an _‘independence’_ badge on this trip and wasn’t that just a horrifying thought? The nauseating week over spring vacation she had spent with Five-0 earning her ‘detective’ badge had been bad enough. Danny had had more chance to work on his reflexes than he had with the five years previously spent with Five-0, slamming a hand over Grace’s eyes every time Chin pulled a brutal crime scene photo up on the big screens. Steve of course, thought it was great and kept asking Grace what she thought they should do next when they were running down leads on a ring smuggling car parts over from Japan. His baby was catching smugglers. And now, never one to turn down a challenge, Grace was determined to mash as much into the weekend as possible, therefore on the list was plant identification, _bug_ identification and she had already volunteered to lead one of the teams on the hunt for the geocaches in the valley tomorrow. Danny didn’t even know what a geocache _was_.

She had even wheedled Steve to bring his guitar, the nice one Danny had bought him, in order to play campfire songs, and had also persuaded lessons out of her favourite uncle so she could begin work on a musician’s badge. Grace Williams did nothing by halves. True, it made Danny feel kind of jumpy inside to think of how often Steve had been involved with this crazy, but not in a bad way. Training her for her President’s Day Fitness Thing (two badges), taught her to track an animal (one badge – ‘habitats’, which Steve swore up and down was applicable to following animals in order to eat them) and how to make a soup out of some twigs and a squirrel they caught while earning ‘Habitats’ (one more badge). Thankfully Rachel could help her with anything pertaining to a ‘Financial Literacy’ badge, although what a bunch of twelve year olds were doing micro-managing a lemonade stand he didn’t know.

There had also been talk of building emergency wig-wams armed only with a pen knife tomorrow. Steve again of course. Danny was quite certain someone would lose a finger, and he would lose at least a year off his life.

Finally he was distracted from this disaster by the tiny little two man tent being unzipped from the outside. His eyes flicked to his gun for just a moment before he settled again, because of course it was Mr Wilderness.

Steve crawled in without a light, probably able to see in the dull light from the fire as it came through the canvas wall and the moon which was just big enough to dust Danny’s cheeks blue in their little non-biodegradable, one hundred percent man-made cave. Steve rustled around for a bit, probably removing the stupid number of knives and guns he now saw as requisite for an Aloha trip, before settling down into the nest.

“They’re all asleep,” he said quietly over Danny’s shoulder.

“No they’re not,” Danny grumbled.

He feels Steve stop and look at him, can imagine the arrival of Constipated Face.

“Danny they’re all in their tents with the lights out.”

“Says the man who has obviously never hosted a sleepover with eight pre-teens. Trust me Rockatansky, they are _not_ asleep.”

Steve was silent, and Danny grinned, certain that his big killer SEAL is getting mad at being duped by a collection of school girls. Albeit school girls with the formidable ability to both spear fish and play the stock market in whatever passed for the death-metal version of American Girl Scout on this god-forsaken rock. Then he felt Steve flop into the pile of blankets behind him and felt him move up close behind him.

“Let me put it this way,” he murmured in Danny’s ear. Danny felt one large hand slide over on to his stomach and up his chest, Steve’s mouth moving close to the back of Danny’s head, “if they’re not asleep we can’t do this.” His mouth moving against Danny’s neck, Steve pressed his full body against Danny’s back, and Danny’s pretty sure he can already feel Steve’s interest through his pants.

“Oh my god, you’re an animal,” he muttered and it wasn’t a compliment, obviously. But Steve didn’t stop kissing his neck and that felt pretty good so Danny rolled over and kissed his partner back, opening his mouth in the dark, in the still air of the tent and finding Steve’s lips. Danny had rediscovered a yen for kissing since this thing started, making out like teenagers in the black of the night was oddly fun when all he’s got to go on is hands and mouth the flutter of Steve’s eyelashes against his forehead. Although it was a little annoying to notice that Steve had positioned himself higher than Danny so he needed to wriggle up to get to him. One more advantage of kissing another dude, he found, is at least his actual beard will hide the beard burn. Who knew a five o’clock shadow could be a blessing? He could definitely feel Steve hard against his leg now, and he wasn’t far behind. But he still pulled away, the kiss ending with a pop. “You know we can’t get it on anyway. There are tweens outside this tent, the walls are made of fibre half a millimetre thick, we will traumatise all of them. Grace doesn’t need the ‘heard my dad fucking his boyfriend’ badge,” and Steve was trying to kiss him again to shut him up. He sort of let him. “Besides,” kiss, “I didn’t,” kiss, “bring anything,” kiss, “with us,” kiss, “stop that.”

Then Steve did stop and Danny was about to say he didn’t mean _actually_ stop when Steve rolled over and there was the sound of a zip unzipping and more rustling and Steve was kneeling up and something the heft of a condom and a lube sachet was tossed on to Danny’s chest. “Oh my God,” he sat up, the foil packet sliding down his shirt, “oh my God, you seriously brought-“ he paused and whispered in a pitched voice, “ _condoms_ on a trip with the freaking _Aloha Girls of Hawaii_?”

“What? They’re very good at keeping important things dry. Tinder, gun barrels, can store water in a pinch.” Danny could see Steve pulling off his shirt even in their low light and was nearly appeased until it became clear Steve was still busy listing all the survival uses for condoms, and Danny might kill him if Steve didn’t get back down here and kiss him soon. “Fishing bobber,” Steve continued, “Oh! Rubber glove. You can use sanitary towels as bandages too. Hey remind me to tell all of these to the girls tomorrow.” Danny spluttered, not quite believing that McGarrett could kill the mood this much.

“Oh yes, spermicide laced water, I really want Grace drinking from one of these. What the hell would they be doing with condoms even on hand Steven? They are _twelve_!”

“Hey,” Steve said and Danny could hear the smirk, “always be prepared.”

“I will punch you,” said Danny, “right in your perfectly sculpted abdominals.” Steve actively laughed then and dove back down to kiss his partner. They made out for a while until Steve rolled on top of him and propped himself up on an elbow to look at Danny. A touch annoying. “This isn’t a free show McGarrett,” he growled, “you’re going to have to make good or stop staring.” And if Steve made a single joke about the oldest fucking profession then no one was getting laid tonight.

“Well what do you want Danno?”

“You can start by getting into this ridiculous thing with me.”

The ridiculous thing in question was the giant sleeping bag Steve had MacGyver-ed out of two regular sleeping bags he had. When they were unpacking earlier, he had unrolled the damn thing like he was throwing a cape over a puddle for Danny to cross.

“What the hell is that? The bastard of a caterpillar and an army surplus store?” he had asked. Steve had narrowed his eyes and Danny was reminded for a tenth of a terrifying second of Rachel when he had come home and had the nerve to ask where the old couch had gone.

“It’s a double bag,” Steve had said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Yes I can see that Steven,” Danny replied, steepling his fingers and pointing them at the thing on the floor. “What I’m asking is why do you need a double bag?”

“What are you talking about? It’s not for me, it’s for us Danny.”

“Oh it’s for us? It’s for _us_?” Danny stepped up to Steve suddenly, then glanced around in paranoia; they weren’t exactly broadcasting this thing yet and he had yet to figure out a way to officially tell Grace. So far he had settled for just kind of omitting it from conversation yet letting things be as they were and hoping the energy would have let her pick up on it. He wasn’t sure if it was working yet. “Well maybe, Steven, you should think to ask before you bring things like this along?” and with that he stalked past Steve to the car and haughtily ripped the quilts, roll mat and pillows he had stashed on the back seat out of the open window. Then marched off to the tent to set up the bed he had actually planned. He’d brought all this because he wasn’t spending another night in a sleeping bag with the insulative properties of fresh air.

Steve had stomped after him, dragging the bag and the whole thing had resulted in a ten minute argument with Danny angrily making the bed, into which Steve then stroppily inserted the Frankenstein’s monster of camping equipment. The whole thing had arrayed into what Danny was now mentally referring to as ‘the nest’. It actually looked a bit too decadent to be a nest, with pillows all jammed up at one end and the quilts thrown over the sleeping area. Kind of Turkish harem-cushion pit. Grace had already poked her head in approved though, so Danny had just put his face in his hands and agreed to let Steve have his way. He’d also privately decided to send Steve his next dentist’s bill when he’d ground his teeth down to nubs.

So now it was with a small flicker of satisfaction, which was mostly eclipsed by the fact he was embarrassingly horny, if he was honest, that he watched Steve wriggle around trying to find the opening to the stupid thing and get in. When he finally slid his long body into the mouth of the camp bag he went right back to kissing Danny, with the added advantage of being able to slide his hands down Danny’s boxers and palm his dick.

Danny’s eyes went wide and his mouth snapped shut against Steve’s, a pained grunt escaping him. Steve smirked and then reached over to pull Danny’s ass in. Danny was chewing on the inside of his cheek to keep quiet while Steve ground against him, so slow that Danny felt his legs start to shake. He rolled his own hips against Steve’s and was smug when he felt a little stutter in the rhythm. Danny had to admit there was something to be said for slow sex, rough could be intense but there’s nothing like the anticipation and feeling the weight of someone else on you, circling slowly until you’re a total mess. He sank his teeth lightly into McGarrett’s lip.

“Take your pants off,” he whispered.

“If you take your shirt off,” Steve whispered back and Danny could still hear him laughing without actually laughing. Who knew he smiled so much in bed? Danny would have seduced him years ago.

He groped around for the button to Steve’s cargo pants in the darkness which was made harder – no pun intended- by Steve still grinding into him and kissing him and stroking his butt distractingly, but he got them open and pushed them down Steve’s legs. Steve was still kicking them somewhere into the depths of the double bag while working Danny’s shirt up and over his head. Danny’s hands were pinned above them in the twist of his t-shirt, and Steve take the opportunity to roll back on top of Danny and kiss him again. Steve stroked his fingers down Danny’s arm and into his elbow then down to push a hand between their bodies and work Danny out of his underwear. Danny was breathing hard and pulling his hands away from the bind of his shirt, while Steve lowered his mouth to Danny’s clavicle and scraped his teeth along the bone. Pushing his hips up against Steve’s, Danny could feel the hot sleek curve of his cock against Steve’s own just as he felt Steve wrap his hand around them both and thrust through the tight ‘O’ of his hand.

“Wher-where’s the condom Steven? _Shit_.” Danny’s hand was groping for where the little square pack was last. “Steve stop that and help me find the condom.”

“I don’t know.” Steve said because apparently sex rendered his brain unable to fire-rapid.

“Steve help me find the fucking condom.”

Steve rolled off Danny at last and began to reach around in the dark where he had thrown it. When it failed to turn up in the folds of one of the quilts he dove underneath the covers with the zealotry of a SEAL on a mission. Danny was not alienated from the absurdity of the situation, watching Steve’s head bump around from inside the double bag was ridiculous even from the cross-eyed state of lust he was currently existing in. Then Steve planted a kiss on his hip-bone and made him jump. Untangling his arms he threw the t-shirt across the tent because he should probably get Steve out of there, before he accidentally poked him in the eye with his dick or something. Some things sailed out of the t-shirt as he let fly and he grabbed at them from where they fell.

“Steve. Steve, I got it.”

Steve emerged from the bedding, looking sweaty and rumpled, taking gulps of the cooler air.

“Thank God,” he said, making a grab for it, and sounding almost sincerely Christian.

“Hold on there, big guy,” Danny said holding the condom away from him even as his erection pressed into Steve’s stomach. “Why exactly are you topping tonight?”

“Because you make too much noise when you fuck me,” Steve said matter-of-factly. But even as his cock lurched, as far as Danny was concerned…

“That is a load of crap, I make noise no matter what, and I am _highly aware_ of our situation here Steven and therefore will actually control myself if I put it in you right now.” He rolled them slightly onto Steve’s back to make his point and reached down to run a finger down the length of Steve’s dick.

Steve snorted but was given away when Danny felt Steve’s hard-on lurch against his hand.

“Alright,” Steve said, under his breath, since the whole conversation had to be conducted at a lowered monotone, “how about because I really _really_ want to be the one to fuck you right now?”

Oh that was playing dirty. Literally. But how to let him know without acknowledging that Steve had won? Screw it.

“Fine, where’s the goddamn lube?”

They groped around for another moment before Steve found it and tossed it to Danny who handed him the condom in turn. They both retreated to their respective sides for a moment, Steve rolled on the condom while Danny coated his hands in lube and reached around to prep himself a bit more. He’d quickly learned not to be squeamish about it early in their relationship. He found it much better to actually enjoy the sex rather than feel like he was going to rip in half. Steve was back on him in seconds, he grabbed the rest of the packet and slicked the condom, made a little more difficult by trying to kiss Danny at the same time. At last they wrestled into place, Steve lying between Danny’s knees up pulling them up so Danny’s heels landed in the small of Steve’s back while Danny reached down to help Steve find where to go. Steve paused when he felt the heat and rested his head against Danny’s, finding his eyes. The moment was suspended for moment until Danny squeezed Steve’s hips between his legs to let him know. Steve immediately buried himself in Danny, who let out a gritted moan and sank his blunt nails into Steve’s shoulder blades.

“Hello?”

They both froze, and Danny honestly wasn’t sure his erection wouldn’t shrivel up and die of fright. Horror usually reserved for zombies in movies was the level of stock-still terror now levelled at the unmistakable sound of a mobile Aloha Girl.

“Is everything okay?” Another voice.

“I heard something.”

“Hey Uncle Steve,” Oh Christ, spare Danny this, _please_ , “is there a boar in camp? We heard like, grunting.”

“Oh my God,” Danny managed to wheeze.

“Go to sleep girls!” Steve yelled, sounding a little hysterical, “I checked before bed, there are no boars.”

“Are you sure?”

“Very sure!”

“Okay.”

There was some muffled whispering and shuffles. Danny clamped down on his need to slam his head into the ground until concussed and shouted,

“Go to bed you little punks! Some of us are sleeping!”

“Yes Detective Williams.”

“Yes Danno.” Oh god Grace sounded chastised, he was a horrible hypocritical father. But Steve was apparently over it because he had lowered his weight back on to Danny and was worrying Danny’s ear with his teeth. Danny didn’t have time to be distracted by how nice that was before Steve began to slowly roll his hips and Danny’s ability to form linear thought turned fuzzy on him.

“Who was gonna control themselves?” Steve whispered in to his ear.

“I am so not above kicking you off and finishing myself.”

“You wouldn’t.”

Danny made as if to throw him off, as if he could, the big two-hundred pound galoot but Steve beat him with a cheap shot; he lurched forward and slammed hard, straight into Danny’s prostate. Danny heard his jaw creak he bit down so hard and thin whimper was all that escaped him this time.

“I will kill you,” he hissed between gasps for air. Steve smiled, it was totally obnoxious, but Danny forgave him when he slipped a hand down and wove their fingers together, pulling Danny’s hand away from where it had been creeping towards his stiff cock. Steve proceeded to set up long slow strokes that made Danny go cross-eyed while Steve gasped for air against his shoulder. Danny’s calf cramped briefly but Steve crushed it in one big hand all while fucking him and whispering absolute filth in his ear about how much he always wanted to bend him over his desk at HQ, or how he considered dragging him into the forest after their spat about the sleeping bag and hold him face first against a tree and rip his clothes off. It was when he talked about Danny riding him on the butt ugly couch at Steve’s place that Danny really started to lose it. He wrapped his arms around Steve’s back and mouthed the ridge of solid tendon strained down Steve’s neck as Steve fucked him. He had the sense to reach up and rip the pillow from under his head, slamming it over his face to muffle his scream as he came. Steve was laughing silently and nuzzling his way under the pillow to kiss all over Danny’s face while Danny’s come slicked their stomachs together. When Steve’s whole back curved and he came, shaking, inside Danny, Danny smoothed circles on Steve’s shoulders and let his mouth rest on Steve’s hairline.

Danny took back the competing comment he’d made on their stake-out. Guys lasted just fine. Steve pulled out slowly and rolled off Danny to one side. The snap of the condom coming off woke Danny from the post orgasm drift as he saw Steve tuck it all away before rolling back to Danny and pulling their bodies close. Danny fished around the bottom of the sleeping bag and found his boxers which he pulled up with his toes and used to clean off his stomach. He then offered to Steve who took them gratefully.

“That was very high stress,” he whispered, his words slurring together. Steve only grunted. “I’m only saying, you had better let me fucking sleep tomorrow McGarrett.”

“Mmm yes muthnnnrrr.”

“What?”

“Yes pard’nrr.”

“I will rip out all your chest hair while you sleep.”

“Aloha.”

**Author's Note:**

> (I formally apologise to the Girl Scouts of America for poaching their long standing traditions to pad out this filth.)
> 
> Tents are not sound proof. I remember a school camping trip where my friends and I were already in bed and giggling and ribbing each other. It included the words, 'do you think the teachers want to hear how Liz's mum plays hide the purple parsnip?' only to hear 'NO WE DON'T' from the fire pit outside. So an apology to them too I suppose. And to Liz's mum.
> 
> Writing wise I have a few niggles. Pronouns are all over the place (goddamned slash relationships) and the sex is a bit flat but it was more about the lols anyway.
> 
> Thanks to Iona for the beta and Anna for consistently harassing us both. Now you have porn to read on the way to work you perv.


End file.
